Festive Gifts, Everyday Risks
Gifts are usually given as an act of kindness, to celebrate milestones, or to show gratitude to friends and family. But in K–12 schools, gift-giving is more complicated. Sometimes a staff member’s gift to a student is a well-intentioned and harmless gesture. But gifts are also a common grooming tool: they can be used to single out a child, blur professional boundaries, create a sense of obligation, and test whether a student will keep secrets.
Guilty plea from former Teacher of the Year who showered an 11-year-old student with gifts and stalked her.
Earlier this month, a teacher in South Carolina pleaded guilty to first-degree harassment for stalking his 11-year-old student. Over time, he gave her gift cards, ornaments, pictures, and more than 60 love letters (one for each day of summer vacation), along with a pattern of other grooming and stalking behaviors. While police believe they intervened before any sexual contact occurred, the warning signs were abundant.
School guidance and staff training
Schools should have specific guidance for staff on what kind of gifts are allowed, how often, and at what value. Staff training should explain the reason for these restrictions: that gift-giving can be a sign of grooming, create perceived favoritism, and blur professional boundaries.
While gifting policies should consider the circumstances of each school district, as a basic rule, gifts should be available for all students in connection with an achievement or classroom goal. Examples include:
A prize box with small trinkets any student can choose from for meeting behavior or academic goals.
A pizza party or celebration for an entire class or team, not a handpicked group of “favorites.”
Anything more personal or of higher value should be pre-approved by administration, documented, and tied to a specific academic or athletic achievement, not simply “because I care about this student.”
Schools also need structured ways to support students in need without crossing lines. The Campus Integrity Group Co-Founders have investigated several cases where school employees were accused of giving a student shoes, clothes, or money, and the investigation established that the adult was legitimately trying to help a child in need. Instead of discouraging such generosity and support for vulnerable students, schools should create a transparent mechanism to pool funds from several employees or sources, and route this support through counselors or administration instead of creating a “secret” gift from a single adult.
What students should know about getting gifts
Kids like getting gifts, even small ones like candy or fidget toys. The point is not to make children suspicious of every treat, but to give them simple guidelines:
If you or a friend are getting a lot of gifts from one adult, or more than other kids, tell someone.
If the gifts are expensive or feel personal, tell someone.
If an adult gives you something and says, “Don’t tell your parents” or “This is just between us,” tell someone right away.
If you are getting special privileges and extra attention that other students do not get, even if you are not uncomfortable, tell someone.
Students should know that they don’t need to figure out if the adult is doing something wrong; that’s for the school and their parents to handle. But they need to speak up for themselves and their classmates so the adults can step in.
What parents need to watch for: new trinkets, unexplained items or spending money, and “secret” kindness
Parents are often the first to notice that something is off, but only if they are watching for patterns. Schools should be offering parent training on grooming and boundary violations, including clear guidance to pay attention when:
Your child suddenly has gift cards, cash, or new items they cannot clearly explain.
They say things like, “My teacher gave this to me, but don’t tell anyone,” or “It is just between us.”
A teacher or coach appears to be showering your child with special attention, gifts, or treats that other kids are not getting.
Your child becomes unusually defensive or protective of the adult, especially when you ask basic questions.
When these behaviors appear, especially alongside other warning signs, they should not be brushed off as “overly friendly.” They are red flags that need to be reported, investigated, and addressed early, so schools can step in before abuse occurs.
Vigilence into Action
Schools can’t afford to shrug off these “non-sexual” concerns. Gifts and special favors might be well-intentioned, or they might be the visible edge of something deeper. Schools don’t know which until they look. A measured response that includes documenting the report, asking direct questions, and checking for patterns with the same adult can surface grooming early, protect students, and give the district a clear record of how it responded.
